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This is my personal diary of the experiences I have had with "remembering myself" - one of the main techniques of the gnosis material. I offer it here for others who are also on the path of endeavouring to remember themselves. June 2006I find Ouspensky's description of remembering one's self to be intriguing; how he was able to hold his attention on remembering himself, and then fell asleep from this awakened state until much later when he remembered to remember himself again. Intrigued, I begin to practice remembering myself, finding the process easy to hold in meditation. August 2006As I begin to read Gnosis by Mouravieff, I come to realise how important remembering one's self really is. According to the ancient teaching outlined in his books, it is the key to awakening. I endeavour to practice remembering myself more. October 2006As I practice remembering myself, I come to realise that my point of remembering, or of being aware of myself, is on top of my head, to the left. It is off center. This is where I remember myself from. November 2006I begin to realise that remembering yourself is practicing what it is like to be awakened. That when you, or I, are awake, no longer in the sleepers slumber, we will have this level of awareness about ourselves at all times. I also begin to realise that Mouravieff's text reveals a lot of the arcane wisdom that is hinted at but never revealed in many alchemical texts. Could these Gnosis books be the original teachings that have been hidden for so long? December 2006I further realise that remembering one's self passes all the esoteric and spiritual bullsh*t detectors; 1) It is simple - so simple that anyone can do it; you do not need technical understanding or knowledge to carry out the exercise. 2) It is easy to do; once you have grasped what it is to "remember yourself" you can do it at any time. 3) It is nearly impossible to maintain for any extended length of time. It is also becoming apparent that there are benefits to be had from maintaining this practice over an extended period of time. So far the benefits seem to be a greater degree of awareness of my being, and of others as I remember myself in their presence. January 2007For a large number of reasons, I had put aside any thought or belief that there existed non-physical beings in the universe - basically because I wanted to chuck out any belief systems that were possibly based on fallacy, and start over. As I come back to acknowledge that there are non-physical beings out there - both beneficial and not, my point of self-rememberence, moves from the side of my head to my crown. This feels like progress. In a session with a client, I remembered myself and was able to see more clearly the underlying motivations and reasons for the issues they were facing. February 2007The "position" of my self remembering seems to have moved from on top of my head to within my body. It feels like I am remembering myself, or have the position of my real self coming through all of my chakras rather than just my crown chakra. I was able for the first time to continue remembering myself through a conversation that would usually have been heated and emotional for me. As I was able to continue to remember myself throughout the conversation, all of the passionate energy was transmuted to my higher centers, rather than bursting out in anger (as outlined in Gnosis II). More progress I feel. March 2007I was able for the first time to "watch myself" as I taught this month; I had the clear perspective of watching myself teach. The subjective descriptions of the enlightenment of David Hawkins came to mind. If I was experiencing anything like he describes in some of his books, it was only a momentary glimpse. I have not been able to resume that state since. My perspective on remembering myself seems to be moving from all of my chakras, or an all over body sensation to extending around my physical body. I am wondering if my perspective of remembering myself is moving from my physical body only into incorporating my subtle bodies also. There seems to be less of a shift ' less of a sensation nowadays between when I am remembering myself and when I am not. While part of me wants to believe that this is because my "real self" is merging with my conscious self, I am extremely wary of Gurdjeff's warning that many become momentarily awake, only to fall instantly back to sleep again, all the while kidding themselves that they continue to be awake. April 2007I now feel further away from my goal of being able to remember myself all the time, than I have felt in the previous months. I do not know if this is simply because I am becoming more aware of the times when I do not remember myself, or because I am actually remembering myself less. The sensation of remembering myself from around my body, as opposed to from within it also seems to fluctuate; sometimes the sensation of remembering myself from around my physical body is strong, at other times it is not. May 2007Had quite a month of having my "issues" take me away from my ability to deeply remember myself. I would then resolve part of my "issue", begin to remember myself again, and then another aspect of my "issue" would come up. Then I realised I believed that the reason that my issues were taking me away from my ability to remember myself, was purely because I believed this to be so. So after clearing THAT, I have been able to continue to remember myself on a more regular and consistent basis, not matter what is going on in my internal or external world. Have now found that holding my awareness on nothing but "remembering myself", even for a short time, builds up a significant amount of expansive energy in my chest. And so the practice continues. June-July 2007I continue to remember myself within meditation with more consistent results. It feels like my focus and concentration abilities are gradually improving. I can slowly feel the point of view of my "Real Self" come from within my body, rather than just the back of my head / eyes, but this is not consistent yet. I am only briefly able to hold "remembering myself" while doing other things in waking consciousness, but the practice continues. During this period, I was reading "Meetings with Miraculous Men" by Gurdjeff and discovered that even in the twilight of his life he still had as his aim "to remember myself as much as possible." This astounded and somewhat demotivated me; surely if he had been practicing for all those years, for all of his life, he would be able to "remember himself" all the time by then? Perhaps not. And then, what hope for the rest of us? Perhaps I shall need to look elsewhere to wake up. Not coincidentally, these months were also the months that I started the "Jeshua Experiment" (see Wake Up), and am feeling that I am getting powerful information from that to aid my waking up process. August 2007I have now come to realise that the reason that it has taken so long for the full body awareness when I am "remembering myself" is that I am also "remembering myself" with my mind as well as my body; I am silencing my thoughts while I am remembering myself in a bodily sense. I also had an interesting experience in this month where I felt so incredibly angry like I had not felt in quite a while. I did some exercises to release the anger, but I still had a lot of emotion in my body. Anyway, I went to meditate, but found I could not fully remember myself - instead of being able to be aware of my body and thoughts, I realised I was trapped in my body - my intense "negative" emotion was holding my awareness in my body, and I felt like I could not connect with my Real Self at all. And then the feeling passed. February 2008My meditations continue. I continue to practice remembering myself within meditation twice a day as well as another meditative practice that embraces and radiates energy. I sometimes feel that the state of awareness where I am continually remembering myself in my waking state (and therefore one step closer to being truly "awake") is not as far away as it used to be, but this could be just ego talking. I will only know for sure if it is closer when I am "awake" and I am definitely not that yet. I am becoming more aware of when I am picking up on other people's energy whereas before I would have mistakenly believed that the feelings I felt were generated from within me. The best thing that has happened within this period is to get confirmation from other sources like the Yoga Sutra's, Ken Wilbur and others that I do appear to be on the right track. I have yet to meet anyone that I was able to recognise as awakened to ask them for sure, however... The practice continues. Any shifts are subtle. |
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Simon Prone Healing and Workshops |
